I HAD to put this here! :D Enjoy!
Never use “we were on a break” as an excuse
Remember it’s not that common, it doesn’t happen to every guy, and it is a big deal
Everybody has a lobster <3
Quitting the gym is just as hard as quitting the bank
For more space in bed, use the ‘hug and roll’ technique
Yemen is a good place to escape unwanted girlfriends
You can do a lot with just cups and ice
Always say the right name at the altar
Powder and lotion will not help hot and sticky leather pants
Man bags aren’t manly
Don’t count mississippily when in a tanning booth
“How you doin’?” Never fails
If stung by a jellyfish, pee on it
Never let a monkey near a tv remote
Only in prison do they ‘cup’ whilst measuring for pants
It’s not smelly cat’s fault
Always read make up letters all the way through, even if they are 18 pages long front and back
You should leave your synth keyboard in the 80s where it belongs
A nap with your best friend could be the best nap you’ve ever had
Never let slip to a child that they are adopted
Meat is not an ingredient in trifle
There’s no such thing as shark porn
Your first name is not your family’s name
Throwing your own wake is not a good way to meet women
A ‘day of fun’ is a good way to get to know someone
Everyone has an identical hand twin
Eating too much meat can cause ‘meat sweats’
It’s never too late to resurrect the routine, just don’t change it
Regina Phalange and Ken Adams make great fake names
It’s possible to drink a gallon of milk in 10 seconds
When moving a couch upstairs, pivot
A silent auction is not a contest to guess the right price
Always double check for measurements when making an entertainment unit
Playing too much on arcade machines can lead to getting ‘the claw’
Ugly, naked, and (guy?) Do not make for an attractive combination
Never pose for a v.d. poster campaign
‘Pheebs’ is short for phoebe; it’s not just what we call our friends
Never let a duck and a chick near a foosball table
Wooden spoons and toy tricks make great massage tools
Never put your head in a turkey
Taping oven mitts to your hands will prevent you from scratching chicken-pox
Never bet your apartment in a game of ‘who knows who’
Don’t leave tooth whitening gel on for longer than recommended
W.E.N.U.S. stands for… Ummm…
Everyone is entitled to a ‘freebie’ list of 5 celebrities they can sleep with if the opportunity arises
There are 7 basic erogenous zones. Start out with a little 1, a 2, a 1 2 3, a 3, a 5, a 4, a 3 2, 2, a 2 4 6, 2 4 6, 4, 2,2, 4 7, 5 7, 6 7, 7… 7… 7… 7 7 7 7 7 7… seven!
Tue Aug 02, 2011 8:37 am
